new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
