I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
