You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dignity is for republicans.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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