So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize