True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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