I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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