have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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