The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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