We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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