This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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