Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
