I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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