tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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