Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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