I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
