It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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