Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
