my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
that is very illegal...i love you.
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