WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
