so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
