By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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