Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
