I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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