I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
