Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
