If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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