he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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