how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Semen is not good for contacts.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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