You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
