K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize