they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
