all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
