yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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