I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
