you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
