I could have mohawked her pubes.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
