Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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