just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
