I look better un-naked...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
