I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
