its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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