Need sex. Gaining weight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
