every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
