Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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