You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
