remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
