1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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