If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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