In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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