Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
