i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
