Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
