You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
