i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
