none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
