god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
where am i from again
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
