so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
