I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
