thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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