Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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