remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Semen is not good for contacts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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