He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
