Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
zippers are such a cool invention
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
