i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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