It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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