you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
