their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
