Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
