Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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