i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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